the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
