It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
