Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
