I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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