can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
