i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
cat food counts as protein by the way
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
