i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
