I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
