i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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