You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
