So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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