Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
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