and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
