I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
