If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
