I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dicks are not precious.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
