discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Randomize
