your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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