i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
