Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
