I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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