Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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