She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
