It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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