ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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