There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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