Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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