we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
