wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sext me about skeletons
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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