sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You're like the curious george of whores
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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