Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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