shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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