I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
