Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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