some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
