i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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