just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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