Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
