I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
