All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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