Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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