I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Randomize
