Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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