How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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