today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You pole danced in your parka.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
