Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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