Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
