I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
