Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
