Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
