Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My penis needs a shock collar
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
