How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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