An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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