that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
