Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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