Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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