Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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