There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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