How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I didn't notice because vodka
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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