She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
