If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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