i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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