I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
